The No Contact Rule - Should I Respond To My Ex's Text?

When you're undergoing the no contact rule and you're wondering how long to instigate it after a breakup, the answer is: 30 days, typically. After 30 days, you're usually in a much better frame of mind to deal with your ex again, because you've had a cooling off period.

But what do you do when your ex texts you? Should you respond to your ex's text messages when he tries to get hold of you?

It's largely situational. If you can respond without getting emotional, then sure, you can respond and say hi. However, you do NOT want to respond with any information about the breakup. Don't talk about the breakup, or your relationship. You want to steer clear of that at all costs.

Instead, if your ex texts you asking about how you're doing, say, "I'm doing great." Paint the best picture of your life for him that you possibly can. Make yourself seem happy. Even if you're still having a hard time, he needs to believe that you're NOT struggling.

Why? Because it will peak his curiosity.

During the post-breakup time and when you've undergone no contact, your ex is going to think you're desperate to get him back.

Telling him you're actually happy, or at least making him think so, is going to have him wondering. He might start thinking you're with another guy, or that something is going on with you... and he just doesn't know what it is.

So that curiosity can work in your favor. The more curious he is about you, the easier it will be to get him to respond after you've broken up - when you're trying to break no contact.

In general, though, it's better to avoid responding to more than one text from your ex. If he repeatedly messages you, it's time to just shut off your phone/IM client.

If you get into a big conversation, the breakup will inevitably come up. It's pretty much unavoidable. It's on both your minds - trying to avoid it will be very, very hard.

So that's why no contact is a good idea when you're just going through a breakup. Typically, the longer the NC period, the better your chances will be of getting him back later, because you'll have time to clear your head after the breakup.

You should also be making a list of your own priorities, life goals, things you want to achieve. Think of the breakup as a chance to get YOUR life back and focus on yourself... some much needed "me" time.